As I enter the kitchen a pancake peels from the roof, falls like a defective hoverboard and splatters upon the wooden floor. Cracked eggs litter the bench. Flour covers the floor. Smoke claws at my eyes and throat. A disaster zone. And in its centre, Sally twitches.
‘Mum, bot’s on the blink again!’
Afterword
The mission: to write a 53-word piece about a “blink”.
I could have written a story that involves a person blinking in surprise or because of dust, etc.
Another possible direction would’ve been a blinking light – e.g., a warning light on the car, a light at a music concert, or any number of others.
But, lightning struck with the phrase, “on the blink”.
That led me to a sci-fi direction with its unlimited possibilities of malfunctioning machines. Yet, with only 53 words, I didn’t have many for worldbuilding. I weaved that in through the comparison to a defective hoverboard.
My early drafts had a further sci-fi comparison:
As I enter the kitchen a pancake peels from the roof, falls like a defective hoverboard and splatters upon the wooden floor. Cracked eggs litter the bench. Smoke claws at my eyes and throat. Chaos not seen since World War III, and in its centre, Sally twitches.
I hovered over the ‘Delete’ key for some time on the reference to WWIII (which is, of course, a reference to a fictional war that we all hope never takes place).
On one hand, that reference is inappropriate and insensitive (trivialising the unparalleled horrors of war).
On one other, the WWIII reference assists to clearly orientate the reader in the sci-fi world. It was also true to the voice of the child from this scene that I heard in my head, which was to be overly dramatic in such an unexpected situation. I wondered whether we may excuse them on account of their young age, the smoke, the shock, and that it was just a momentary thought (held unsaid).
As a writer, it’s crucial to write about flawed characters (aren’t we all flawed in some way or the other?) and to explore difficult areas and topics.
At the same time, I need to ensure that I’m comfortable with what I’m putting out into the world.
After toing and froing, I decided that I preferred to change it and have the alternative first paragraph and this discussion in the Afterword.
Photo attribution: thanks to Ruvim Noga on Unsplash